Search
  • Lioness Ola

The Art of Busyness



Hey Peoples!


Long time, no speak.


First of all, Can I just give a shoutout to all the people who messaged me, and called me and asked me when the next My Faith Files blog post was coming out? God was really using you to teach me something. So thank you..... I mean, you lot really stressed me out, but I guess it was worth it. Accountability and all that, lol.


Ok, so, I guess this is where I begin to explain where I’ve been and why the planned scheduling for posting hasn’t really been going to plan, and why I’ve been, for lack of a better word, slacking.


Before I do, let me just say that this Christian walk can be so hard sometimes. Like so hard. But a lot of the time, we (I) just make it so much harder than it needs to be.... Completely irrelevant but thought I’d put that out there. Do with it as you wish. Anyway, let’s begin.


For a while, I had ‘writers block’, mixed with pure laziness, and some busyness sprinkles thrown in on top for good measure. I had literally been so busy, that I hadn’t sat down to really dig deep into the word of God, hadn’t stopped to listen to the voice of God, hadn’t even really been at the feet of Jesus longer than it takes a kettle to boil, and definitelyyyyy hadn’t been still, and boy had it taken a toll on me.


Around this time, I was speaking to my BIC (brother in Christ) about how loud the world can be if you let it. Especially how it can somehow completely drowns out the voice of The Spirit, to the point where you're just lost. It's like you have your eyes closed and you end up groping the air, trying desperately to find some balance and understanding of your current situation.


To add to this, I kept telling my inner circle that they just had to pray for me because I was constantly tired, I felt I was lacking direction, and I didn’t know what to write or do. Btw always always, always seek to have prayerful and godly friends around you because safe to say our collective prayers worked, and through the summer, the Lord God Almighty was chastising me about busyness. Multiple times.


...But did I listen or be attentive? Nope. Instead, I made myself more busy, took on more responsibilities, accepted more invites, attended more events, drove more miles, and slept less hours, all in the name of “not forsaking the fellowship of the brethren”.


Funny that. In not forsaking the fellowship of the brethren, what I ended up doing, was forsaking the sweet fellowship of The Holy Spirit.


Don’t worry, I feel you judging me in your minds, and I’m ok with that, because judged myself too. “Once You have spoken, Twice have I heard Lord” “sensitivity to the Spirit”, “disobedience is a sin”, that sort of judgement, but I need you to know, that in my mind, I thought I was getting all my socials out the way now, so that in the latter months of the year, I could just stop and be still. But as time kept going on and more events started rolling through, I started to realise that there was no more year left to do the “be still”ing I wanted to do.


Eventually, I got to a point where I was done, I had completely burned myself out, I couldn't decipher anything, I was so frustrated, and there's something so scary about not hearing the voice of the Spirit as you had before. Like seriously scary. The Holy Spirit is your guide and when you don't feel like you hear Him, its like being in the middle of nowhere without a satnav/map/signal, you think you might be going in the right direction, but you really can't be sure. So I cried out in my room like “God, where are You? Why can’t I hear You?” And literally, He said “I’m exactly where you left Me”.


Bloop.


Do you know the story of Martha and Mary? Where Martha was running around preparing and serving, doing what she thought was necessary and ended up getting overworked and frustrated, whilst Mary, was sitting at the feet of Jesus, learning and growing? well, let's all welcome Martha to the group guys, because, I was Martha and Martha was me.


I was running around, serving at events, running events, attending events, fellowshipping, “you nameeeeeee it”, I was doing it all. And although I was still reading my bible, praying and worshipping and being edified by the people around me (like I’m sure Martha was still able to catch snippets of what Jesus was saying as she was running around), I was feeding my spirit man skittles and leaving him starved of the nourishment of a full hot meal of quality time growing my most important relationship. I was thirsty. Dehydrated even.


If you remember from the story, when Martha asked why Jesus had allowed her to get tired and weary without telling Mary to help, He essentially said “Baby girl, you doing too much, come sit down”, ok, not quite that, what He actually said was:


“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”” - Luke 10:41-42


I, like Martha, quickly learnt that Jesus isn’t going to force you to sit at His feet, He won’t even force you to listen (after all, The Holy Spirit prompted me more than enough times to stop and be still), but, He will be present and willing to embrace you at anytime, He'll be speaking and waiting for you to sit down and listen...and He’ll also let you see how others benefit from doing so. And I saw. I saw how my circle was thriving whilst internally, it felt like I was barely surviving.


So I felt so radically, that I needed to be Mary and that day, I dropped everything and cancelled every event I had coming up in my calendar at the time from that day forward. When I tell you, everything, I mean everything.


And I genuinely felt I would let a lot of people down and that I would disappoint some people but I also knew that I was drowning and I needed help from God. I needed quietness, I needed stillness, I just needed Him.


Want to hear something funny? When I cancelled my plans, no one really cared, lol. They were like “aww, ok, I wish you could come but oh well” (at least that’s what my emotions heard lol). I realised that, truth be told, whilst I’m away, life would still go on, people will survive without me. Thinking about it now, Martha probably dropped everything she was doing at the time then too, to sit at Jesus’ feet with her sister, and the people she was serving probably ended up serving themselves...


Let me end with saying, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with serving, in fact, we are called to serve. But what you need to understand, is that even though works are good, relationship with God is better. You can’t have faith without works, but you can most definitely have works without faith. You can definitely be going through the motions and acts for God, whilst your spirit man is starving and in turmoil. If you feel God is calling you to rest and sit at His feet, then rest and sit at His feet. No point ending up like Martha and I when you now have two testimonies explaining why you shouldn’t overwork yourself.


When it comes out of the love for God and the power of the Holy Spirit, you shouldn’t feel constantly exhausted, remember that God is the God of rest and power, but when you find yourself exhausted, you need to really check yourself and see if you’re going beyond what you’ve been graced to do. This does not give you the space to be lazy. If you’re tired and you haven’t done anything, that’s just laziness.


So, what is the art of busyness? The art of busyness is that it creates a mess. A mess of emotions, a mess of voices, a mess of vision, just a mess. Don't allow yourself to get tangled up in it. It honestly brought me so much confusion, heartache and exhaustion. I was distracted from what was really important of being with and being moulded into Christ, doing life in the flesh instead of through the Spirit.. which by the way, will always fail.


If I'm honest, this is probably my most transparent blog post to date, and I’m super nervous to post it, because it’s not an exhortation or a ‘God is so awesome!!!’ post (He most definitely is, though), it’s not even a really joyous post. It’s kind of like, a... confession? Me admitting that actually, I had been going further than grace was telling me to.


It's funny, because although things were still happening, and I was still being blessed and by His grace being a blessing, it's just so so so much harder pouring out onto others when you yourself are running on an empty tank.


So all in all, I hope you guys get something from this publish confession of imperfection, and I also want to thank The Holy Spirit for prompting me to and co-writing this with me, because Lord knows it’s overdue. It’s good to be back typing for you all. Sorry it was super long (as per usual).


Speak soon,


Love, Peace and JOY!!!


- Lioness



“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”” - Luke 10:41-42


0 views

FINDING, GROWING AND THRIVING WITH FAITH IN GOD DAILY

MY FAITH FILES

  • Twitter - Grey Circle
  • Instagram - Grey Circle