The BEST decision I EVER made
First of all, I just want to thank you all soooooo much for the love and feedback you gave me on my first blog post! God bless all of you! I am truly, very grateful! Thank you for coming back and if this is your first time reading my blog then Welcome!!
But, I told you I was going to be very candid, so…
Can I just talk to you for a minute?
As it stands, I am currently reading a Joyce Meyer book ‘Enjoying Where You Are, On The Way To Where You’re Going’ (btw, i recommend this book already and i'm not even that far into it!) and I’m reading the chapter about Joy and Peace being found in Believing, and something she said reminded me… of me. Lol
She spoke about a diary entry that she had written many years ago about ‘struggling inwardly for a long time with something she couldn’t define’, and although she went on to talk about a completely different topic, it took me back to before I decided to follow Jesus wholeheartedly.
In my previous relationship, I was told that I always seemed to have a battle going on within me, almost like a battle between who I am and who I wanted to be. In context, I was complaining about my nature and how passive I was when I was done wrong. I would sit on the phone and cry to him about how unfair it was and how I wish I could just DO SOMETHING, and thus, his response – I wanted to be rude but I was too nice.
On self-reflection, I found it to be something similar, but more complex. I was struggling with who I really wanted to be (which is who I really am) and who I was making myself out to be.
I was seriously sinning and although deep down I knew that wasn’t who I wanted to be, I felt almost as though I couldn’t stop this lifestyle for fear of what it would mean, for my different ‘ships’ – friendships, relationships, habits, lifestyle etc. I thought I would lose everyone I had become friends with and honestly I was tired of losing. I had become accustomed to this ‘life’ and to suppressing my inner-self (even though that conviction was so real).
But, I wanted more. I felt as though I had completely lost myself. I realised I was drowning and I would just cry myself to sleep almost every night because I just didn’t know. I didn’t know how to get out of my situation. I didn’t know how life would be if I stepped out on what I was being called to do. I didn’t know if I could step out in the faith I wanted to have. I knew I couldn’t continue on the path that I was on because it led to destruction, but I didn’t want to feel the pain of loosing everything I now knew. Every ‘What-If’ imaginable came to mind (i'm a serious over-thinker sometimes), but the story of my salvation will show you (and I will speak about it another day), that ‘the battle within me’ was really God saying 'enough is enough' and tugging on my heart whilst the enemy tugging on my flesh (Matthew 6:24).
It was this tug of war that ultimately concluded in my relationship ending, and my spiritual life truly beginning. Even though my partner at the time was (and still is) an amazing person, I needed to just focus on myself. I needed to start all over again. I needed to just…be. Just to be with God and figure out who I really was and what my life was meant to be. I truly needed to start walking in my calling and purpose, and stop living, essentially, what was a lie.
So, I’m here now, and I’m beyond overwhelmed with what God is doing. I’m just in awe at how different my life is, almost a year on. I’m so grateful and shocked with just how DIFFERENT I am. I have honestly been transformed and knowing that I am in the Will of the Father, I am in the most peaceful season of my accountable life.
I have Joy and Peace in my heart, just knowing that God is going to do what is right by me, as long as I do what is right by Him. Just changing my mind-set and my situation, has changed my outlook in general. I know it may sound dramatic, but God dramatically changed my life. I stand believing that life is and is going to continue being, beautiful, regardless of what may come my way. Because I may not know what my future holds, but I know Who holds my future.
Now, I am in nooooooooo way saying that the decision I made to leave everything behind and follow Christ was easy, but I serve the God that gives me the grace to do so, and all the glory belongs to Him. Because truly, it was the opposite of what my FLESH wanted to do, but the peace that came with it, the peace of knowing that I no longer need to worry about my future and every little detail of my life (amongst so many other things), has given me breathing space. An AMAZING scripture that has been a source of peace and calmness is Matthew 6:25-34.
Pursing Christ wholeheartedly is the best decision I have EVER made.
I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this heavy burden on their heart, or if you’re even going through it now - and I know it is overwhelming, and seems like such a scary prospect to just let go – but you can’t keep crying, you can’t keep hurting. It is a weight and a burden that you really don’t need to bear.
I don’t know if God is knocking on the door of your heart right now, but I really want to encourage you, that He wants to have a relationship with you, and it’s time to let Him in. Enough is Enough. It is time to surrender. The weight that will be lifted off of you will be so reliving and so worth it.
God is reaching His hand out to you. He wants to give you the life He has always wanted for you. Grab onto it. Hold on. Better days are coming.
‘Let Go and Let God’
Love, Peace and Joy!
‘“Come, Follow Me” Jesus said […] and at once they left their nets and followed Him’ – Matthew 4:19-20