This Sucks, Lord.
Sometimes we have to make decisions that quite frankly suck, right?
I mean, we know the decision has to be made and we know what the right choice is, but somehow, it doesn’t make the decision any easier... because it’s in direct conflict with what we want to do, or how our flesh tells us we will feel after we make the choice it wants.
Something could look so sweet to the eyes, and seem so right to your flesh and soul, but it quite possibly could be the wrong decision for your spirit and quite likely compromise your walk, even if it's only in a seemingly "small" way.
I feel like my walk with Christ has been filled with “unfair” decision making lol. Ok, not filled, but I’ve had to make some really tough decisions that have stopped me experiencing that moment’s instant gratification my soul craved for. I mean, for those who know, my whole coming into Christ properly, actually started with a really hard decision. And these past few weeks have been a reminder that obedience isn't always fun and can be really hard sometimes.
Some of the decisions I have had to make, have been frustrating and I think in many circumstances, has felt so much harder because I haven’t heard the voice of the Lord actively direct me in said situation. It’s not like the Lord said “My child, do this or do that”, but I had to choose in faith, based on the truthfulness of God, on what I have heard Him say before (like months or even years ago, by direct revelation or prophetic word), or what I know in my spirit to be the righteous choice based on the Word of God.
So in essence, the decision has left me obedient, yes, but also sometimes in feelings of annoyance and frustration, where i'm like "Abba, ok, i'm going to do the right thing, because I love and want to please you, but just so you know, this SUCKS!". Sometimes the right decision doesn’t actually feel the best. Sometimes... it genuinely sucks. Momentarily, at least.
Relying on what you have heard in times past is hard, but I was reminded of Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:18-19 (ESV)
“This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith,”
Remembering what the Lord has told you before will enable you to fight the good fight. It strengthens you in faith to keep going in what you know you need to do, to stay on the path of what God has said over you. Faith in the goodness and truthfulness of God is like the wind in your sails, propelling you towards right decisions. But when you purposely go against His Word in faithlessness and self-kingship, you set yourself up to shipwrecking, brokenness and many issues.
So, as I had resolved in my mind to make yet another sucky but right decision, I looked out the train window and saw a few goats on a really awkward incline/hilly area, squeezed up between a wire fence and a steep drop, on the side of the train tracks, in the middle of London (first of all, what?????).
As I double took, I heard the scripture “He makes my feet as sure footed as a deer on a hill” (Psalm 18:33) in my heart. And in that moment, I had peace, a peaceful reassurance that can only come from the Lord. It reminded me that as I maintain the path, as I am obedient to what He has said, no matter how awkward/uncomfortable/annoying/dangerous looking or scary it may seem, I will not trip, but stand firm. I will not slip, but be steadfast. As I am faithful to Him, in response to His faithfulness to me (and Himself), He will not allow me to be put to shame.
I must stress, that in some of these decisions, it is NOT because I heard His voice in that moment or for that situation (which really is the hardest part), but because I trust in Him, I trust what He has said before and because His permanent Word is more important and trustworthy than my temporary feelings.
I share this to say to anyone who has to make an awkward/hard/frustrating decision, that goes against what your flesh or soul desires in this moment but aligns with the will of the Lord: Be Obedient. It is better to make a sacrifice now and gain later, than have everything you want now and lose it all later (Matthew 5:29).
The feelings of frustration and/or sadness is your flesh and soul protesting against you coming into alignment with God’s will and Jesus’s kingship, and just like everything else under the sun, it will pass. So while they remain, encourage yourself in the Lord (Psalm 43:5) and remind yourself of the truth of who God is. He is still faithful and true, He is still righteous and good, He is still God and Father. And He is still working things out for your good and His glory.
And I pray for you, that you will remember the goodness of the Lord. That you will remember that He alone knows all things, sees all things, orchestrates all things, for your good and more importantly His glory. I pray that you will feel the peace that surpasses all understanding as you submit yourself to the Lordship of Christ Jesus. I pray that you will be surefooted like that of the deer. That though the path feels narrow and the situation cramped, you remember that He is leading you down the best pathway for your life. I pray that you will continue to find the strength to be obedient to Him. That you will continue to be strengthened in your inner man to keep your eyes fixed upon the Lord, and that being likened to breaking the bottle of perfume and pouring it over the feet of Jesus, the aroma of your obedience be sweet to the nostrils of the Lord.
Obedience is worship. So worship Him with everything within you. Nothing is worth distracting you from the worship due to God.
You and I may be weak, but His Spirit is strong in us to do His will. Where our flesh fails, God never has, never is and never will fail. The truth is that God is good. He loves me. He loves you. He has THE plan and it pleases Him to give you the kingdom (Luke 12:32). Rest assured.
God bless you. God keep you. God enable, strengthen and grace you.
Love, Peace and JOY!
“He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.” - Psalms 18:33 ESV